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GOOOOOODDDD MORNING. RISE AND SHINE FOR ME ITapos;S 7 AM Fuck man..I donapos;t understand. Why am I always that frigginapos; bad guy? Honestly, whenever I go casino with my friends or whatever..thatapos;s it Look, I was trying this thing where I would think twice about being mad. I truly was. I tried the whole fucking thing where I say fucking bullshit like, "Ohh, alright go have fun then babe", "Alrighty then Donapos;t stay out late". I never had the chance to do that even if I wanted to He never even gave me that chance when I was seriously thinking about changing. How sad.. Heapos;s the one who thought about it and DIDNapos;T call me before hand because he ASSumed that I was going to freak out. He never even gave me the chance to be that fucking person. And then he fucking insults me by saying how Iapos;m making this situation like heapos;s going to end the world for me or some fucking shit along the lines of that?�Excuse me? The day I donapos;t give a shit about what the fuck he does..then heapos;ll wonde why.

So even through all the fucking arguing and how I look like the bad guy for freaking out and nobody ever notices that itapos;s his fault because Iapos;M the one freaking out --- no one ever tells him it was his fault to begin with....................no one makes him feel as though heapos;s wrong, even if itapos;s just a little issue like this. So therefore, no apology... Pshh, as if that ever meant anything?

Oh..and I wanted to answer his question really fucking bad when he asked me why I didnapos;t believe him and shit like that. But I know that Iapos;ll just cause a bigger fight... So Iapos;ll tell you? So here it goes... When I was totally blinded by you anything you did or say to me, I was fine with because I never even thought twice about it. II thought you were a great guy. Why would a great guy lie? So...as your true colors started to show, it was already too late? I wanted to back out and just save myself the trouble but I still believed my apos;great guyapos; is there and he does exists...somewhere inside of you. You lied. Broke my heart several times and now I donapos;t believe you. Would you still be with me if you were me? And if you chose to still be with me, would you believe anything I do or say? I mean you canapos;t say I didnapos;t try to. Itapos;s really hard..

But Iapos;ve always hated this part. The part where I know I should be up and out as quick as I can so I donapos;t have to stay in this ...relationship? But I donapos;t budge...because as much as it hurts, I donapos;t want to leave. It sucks that youapos;re with the one you love and want to be with. But at the same time, you canapos;t trust him or believe anything he says. So where do you go from there? There is no right or wrong to that question. It all depends on how each individual feels and how they deal with their situation. My answer is to stay put. Stupid as it is...thatapos;s what Iapos;ve been doing.

Time to make myself laugh because I know that if I were to be reading what I just wrote, a little part of me will start to cry.

Usually itapos;s my saliva that make my pillow wet and gross. But today, itapos;s my tears -_-apos;apos;

Near the end of our conversation, that means before I get so pissed that I hang up, he asked me why I can;t be like those other girls who say things like
- ohhh alright drive safe and have fun
- haha donapos;t be out too late and good luck give me a call after your done k babes?

the reason why I canapos;t be like that is because Iapos;m not like that to begin with. I would be having a fake conversation with you if I were to say those words because it does bother me so...why would I lie about it? Like I said, I was willing to be repressed...but he never gave me the chance to anyway.

So where does all this lead me to now you may ask. No where. Iapos;m still the bad guy to the eyes of his family and friends. But I donapos;t give a fuck about them. And if it did all start with his lovely cousin, Anna, Iapos;m not too worried. She has a lot of her own shit sheapos;s fucking suffering from thatapos;s why she feels the need to bash other people down with her. I believe in karma. Sheapos;ll fucking be an ugly lonely bitch until she realizes the shit she puts other people through -- completely harsh and unnecessary. So she had parents that only know how to go to the casino...like literally, they donapos;t know how to do anything else and she had a few luxury things here and there. Is that what makes you become a bitchass snob? Well what does she have now? Sheapos;s still the same LOL So�I guess I answered my own question. Anyway, Iapos;m just upset and talking a lot of shit. Itapos;s 8 AM and I should be getting some sleep..

And Dat if youapos;re reading this. I feel better already LOL



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